Ban Bossy: What’s Gender Got to Do with It?

The word “bossy” and its link to leadership has been heavily discussed lately due to the Ban Bossy campaign, founded by Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg and backed by world-renowned women leaders and luminaries.

The Ban Bossy campaign argues that from a young age, girls are trained to be quiet and submissive, and when they break these gender norms, they are often criticized, disliked, and called “bossy” — a word that can discourage girls from growing up to be leaders.

Our researchers decided to take a look at the role of the word bossy in the workplace.

We conducted a research survey of 201 people (100 men and 101 women) and analyzed data from 20 years of behavioral data and promotability ratings, from our Benchmarks® 360 assessments. Results from our survey revealed:

• Bossiness is a common issue in the workplace, as 25% of leaders surveyed said they’ve been called bossy at work, and 92% of them said they’ve worked with someone bossy. 
• The term bossy isn’t a synonym for assertiveness, or other positive executive leadership skills.
• Being “bossy” is seen as showing a lack of interpersonal skills, or the 6 indicators of bossiness, which include being directive and controlling, ignoring others’ perspectives, being rude and pushy, micromanaging, focusing on power, and being aggressive. 
• Women are referred to as bossy more often than men are. 
• Bossy coworkers are described as unpopular and unlikely to be successful in the future, and bossy women coworkers are seen as more unpopular and less successful compared to bossy men coworkers.
• When we look at bossy behaviors, though — without the label of “bossy”— we found that men are just as likely as women to exhibit bossy behaviors in the workplace.
• Acting bossy is related to being seen as less promotable by bosses for both men and women. However, the relationship was stronger for women. 

Altogether, our results show a consistent trend that being bossy in the workplace has negative consequences, and those consequences are particularly harsh for women. This is why we want to support the campaign to “Ban Bossy” stereotypes.

What It Means to “Be Bossy” – 6 Indicators of Bossiness

We asked leaders to define bossy in their own words. There was substantial agreement about what the word “bossy” means. The 6 key bossiness indicators were:

1. Bossy people control others and dictate orders.
2. Bossy people ignore others’ perspectives.
3. Bossy people are rude and pushy.
4. Bossy people micromanage and prescribe specific actions (e.g., saying exactly how or when something should be done).
5. Bossy people are focused on authority, power, and status.
6. Bossy people interact in aggressive ways.

The Gender Implications of Bossiness

Altogether, our results show a consistent trend that bossiness in the workplace has negative consequences, and those consequences are particularly harsh for women, which is why organizations must make efforts to ban bossy. 

We found that 33% of women and 17% of men reported that they have received feedback that they are bossy at work. In other words, women were twice as likely to be branded as bossy in the workplace.

Yet, when leaders were asked to recall a time they worked with someone else whom they considered bossy, they were about equally likely to describe a man (48%) or a woman (52%). Men were more likely to describe bossy men coworkers, while women were more likely to describe bossy women coworkers.

Neither bossy women nor men are seen as superstars in their organizations, according to our survey participants. Bossiness damages men’s reputations as well as women’s reputations, yet we found that it hurts women more. 

Contrary to what some might believe, we found women don’t act bossier than men; this is true whether we look at self-report ratings of bossiness or those reported by direct reports or bosses.

This supports the Ban Bossy campaign argument that women are often called bossy for doing the same behaviors as men. Even though women are twice as likely to be called bossy at work, they are not more likely to act that way.

This shows that exhibiting these behaviors is not a feminine trait. If anything, the data showed that men actually exhibited slightly more bossy behaviors compared to women.

Is There a Penalty for Being Bossy?

Our findings show that being labeled “bossy” is a sign of bad leadership. Therefore, regardless of gender, leaders should make an effort to avoid being seen as bossy at work.

For both men and women, bossiness was related to being seen as less promotable by one’s boss. Men and women are punished for bossiness in the workplace, but the link between bossiness and being unpromotable was stronger for women.

This means that when women act bossy in the workplace, it has more serious consequences than when men do. This pattern is consistent across our 20 years of data.

In fact, looking at this trend across time, the gender gap is actually widening. If we look back 20 years, the relationship between bossiness and not being promotable was about the same for men and women. Today, the negative relationship is significantly stronger for bossiness in women than it is for men.

How Can We Work to Ban Bossy?

Based on our research, we came up with 3 practical recommendations to “ban bossy” in the workplace:

• Be more thoughtful about tossing around the word “bossy.” Understand the term does carry more weight when applied to women, so use it with extreme caution. You may want to mentally ban “bossy” from your vocabulary, whether when talking about women in the workplace or about young girls.
• When giving feedback or addressing interpersonal issues (with men or women), be descriptive and specific about behaviors. Try to use other more descriptive words instead of “bossy” — such as the 6 indicators of bossiness noted above. Learn more about giving effective feedback.
• Learn and develop strong interpersonal skills. All of us should make the effort to avoid negative interpersonal behaviors to become more effective, more promotable leaders. Learn more about boosting your interpersonal savvy.
• Lastly, for tips on how to work with a “bossy” boss or coworkers, or if you have been told you are bossy, get advice in our white paper, How to Be Boss without Being Bossy.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

Companies that intentionally prioritize  attracting and retaining talented women gain significant advantages. We can partner with you to support women’s leadership development, or to create an organizational culture to “Ban Bossy” and other stereotypes, shifting mindsets, behaviors, and practices towards greater equity, diversity, and inclusion.